As the often quoted yet nonetheless profound saying goes 'home is where the heart is'.  Home is wherever I feel welcome and secure and at peace.  Home is my house, the apartments of my children, the houses of my friends.  Home is the forests and the mountains and the lakes and the oceans.  Home is the mystical place I sometimes find while deep in meditation.  Home is the sun and the moon and the stars.  Home is a great farmers market or a wonderful art gallery.  Home is a terrific restaurant meal shared with loving companions.  Home is not a place, it is a state of mind and heart and soul.

Fear is part of a healthy response to actual threats in the environment.  Anxiety is an overblown fear response, that causes one to experience prolonged symptoms of fear even when no actual threat exists.  To become totally fearless would therefore be to become reckless. 

That is not to say that one should not gently push one's own limits and, in safe ways, attempt to understand/overcome one's disabling fears/anxiety.   Even subacute anxieties/unreasonable fears can be quite disabling.  For me this process involves visualizing the changes that I would like to make in my life, and then creating ways to become my own personal change agent. 

There is a model that has been adopted by some professional talk therapists that is called Solution Focused Therapy.  This model assumes that each of us is an expert on his/her own life, and that each of us carries within ourselves the strength and resources needed to affect change in our lives.  This therapeutic model typically involves use of 'the miracle question' that goes something like this :

"Suppose our meeting is over, you go home, do whatever you planned to do for the rest of the day. And then, some time in the evening, you get tired and go to sleep. And in the middle of the night, when you are fast asleep, a miracle happens and all the problems that brought you here today are solved just like that. But since the miracle happened over night nobody is telling you that the miracle happened. When you wake up the next morning, how are you going to start discovering that the miracle happened? ... What else are you going to notice? What else?"

I find that the simple act of envisioning a future for myself that is free of unhealthy fear is a very empowering way to start to affect change in my life.  When I can see the direction that I  want my life to take, it becomes much easier for me to identify what it is that is preventing me from heading in that direction.  The next step, of creating healthy/safe ways of overcoming these barriers, is supported by my belief that I have the internal, spiritual resources necessary to guide me as I 'become the change' in my own life.

For me, healthy 'fearlessness' does not involve false bravado and means accepting responsibility for affecting change in my life in a manner that gently leads me to where there is a need for me to go/I want  my journey to take me.  This directive process, however, is always balanced with a sense of spontaneity and adventure, and with a deep regard for my intuitive sense of direction.  As in all things, balance is the key.

I am a connoisseur of life; a student and admirer of impressionist art...mmmmmm Cezanne, Manet, Monet, Degas, Seurat, Renoir, Van Gogh...etc..etc..etc.  I love sultry jazz music and spicey food...Indian, Thai, Mexican...etc..etc..etc.  Oh..and great cheesecake :) I love to travel...heading out to Calgary to visit the great Canadian Rockies and glaciers next week.  I feed my spirit on great books and meditation.  I practice transpersonal nursing.  I love spending time with my two lovely daughters and with good friends.  I am a connoiseur of everthing that is life enhancing and spirit enriching.  I love life!

The photos are of my daughter and I enjoying Mother's Day high tea at the Royal York Hotel in Toronto, and of the most amazing cheesecake ever....served to my daughters and I at the Carnegie Deli in Manhatten in July....Yummy with a capital Y  :)

My favourite family story is the one in which my two daughters, now grown, continue to teach me about love and courage.  They are absolutely fabulous :)

Some of the things that I love that other people just might not get are thunderstorms, museums, art galleries, bookstores, and singing on the internet :)  Yes, I am a closet Internet Kareoke singer and it really makes me feel happy!  I also love dancing a crazy dance while listening to music on my iPod as I clean my house.  Oh..and making snow angels :)  And of course..impressionist art, impressionist art and more impressionist art !

I was thinking about how wonderfully fortunate I am.  I was thinking about the two lovely young women, who are my daughters, and of the other fine people I have to share my life with.  I was thinking about how just the right people find me when I am ready to be found.  I was feeling grateful for my health and for all of the opporunitites that have come my way.  I was thinking that the world is a better place when I let my life light shine!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure...We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?... There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do...as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." ~M.Williamson

I was thinking of my intention to live the words that I have posted above.  And I am still thinking the same thought today!

Taking a five minute break from cleaning my refridgerator and my kitchen cupboards...lots to contribute to my blue and green boxes...while dancing as I listen to some great tunes on my iPod !  It is humid and raining lightly, so I also stood out on my balcony in the rain to cool off.  Who needs air conditioning :)

As I see it, there are no distractions and there is nothing that I 'should' be working on, there is only that which needs to be done.  Like everyone else, I frequently falter as I strive for balance between that which is generally thought of as spiritual and that which is regarded as being of wordly reality, between that which is regarded as serious/worthwhile and that which is regarded as distraction, between caring for my own needs and those of other people.  When I look at the big picture, though, I realize that it is artificial to dichotomize things in this manner.  My experience is that Spirit tends to find us in many different ways, and that the path to finding Spirit is a very intuitive one.  Sometimes it is the activities that tend to be viewed as distractions that renew us and/or lead us further on the path to Enlightenment.  If we are not engaging in behavior that is wantonly harmful to ourselves,  to one another, or to the planet, engaging in 'distractions' can be just what needs to be done.

'He walked down to the ocean to say goodbye.  He looked once more at the natural world around him and because he was no longer concerned about the bells, he could again smile at the beauty of the seagull's cries, the roar of the sea, and the wind blowing in the palm trees.  Far off, he heard the sound of his friends playing and he felt glad to think he would soon resume his childhood games.

The boy was happy and - as only a child can - he felt grateful for being alive.  He was sure that he had not wasted his time, for he had learned to contemplate Nature and to respect it. 

Then, because he was listening to the sea, the seagulls, the wind in the palm trees, and the voices of his friends playing, he also heard the first bell.

And then another.

And another, until, to his great joy, all the bells in the drowned temple were ringing'

                                                 ................Paul Coelho,  'Warrior of The Light'

So, honour the 'distractions' in your life for they often teach great lessons.  Feed your inner child and eat from the wordly banquet of life.  As I walk my path of authenticity towards Enlightenment, honouring my need to experience pleasure and relaxation is part of the journey.  The great sensuous banquet of life, which can be experienced in many different ways, is only a distraction if one allows imbalance to occur.  Many activities that are regarded as distractions can provide us with opportunites to learn, grow, experience and understand our emotions, and to renew ourselves. Many of these activities can assist us in unblocking the flow of energy that connects us to one another and to the Universe/Creator.  Some of the most profound insights are arrived at in a serendipitous manner, and Spirit can remain elusive when we are too focused on its pursuit.

As I see it, some of the activities that could be regarded as distractions are activities that further my ability to be authentically myself.  So, I intend to be both focused and distracted for the rest of my life, trusting in my wise inner voice to guide me. 

I am attaching a photograph that I took in Central Park, NYC last month.  I visited NYC on what I then considered to be a vacation to provide me with both distraction from some some life hurts and an opportunity to spend some time with my grown daughters.  Little did I realize that doing so was an integral part of my journey towards wholeness and Enlightenment.

Life is meant to be savoured and enjoyed :)

I am increasingly interested in living my life in a balanced, creative, loving and authentic manner, and realize that the key to doing so is to connect in an ever deepening manner with my Spirit.  I have raised my children and can now focus more on who I am and how I want to personally contribute to and experience life.  I have a very long internal 'Bucket List' that I am increasingly more focussed on completing. In July I visited the Metroplitan Museum of Art in NYC, and enjoyed a feast of wonderful impressionist art.  That visit was on my 'Bucket List' :)   I also enjoyed a feast of impressionist, post impressionist, modern and post modern art at the Museum of Modern Art.

I'm at an age where I have experienced the loss of some significant relationships, where my time on this earth is more than half over, and where I have a deepening sense of the impermanence of life as we know it.

When I am feeling down I seek that quiet place of calm that is inside of me.  I seek that in various ways....by engaging in deep relaxation breathing or by going out amongst the beauty of the outdoors;  sometimes by asking myself what it is that is making me feel so low, and sometimes by engaging in activities that envigorate my spirit....listening to music, reading a good book, writing a journal entry, drawing or enjoying the art that someone else has created, dancing, taking a bubble bath, spending time with a loved one, cleaning my house.  I listen to my wise, intuitive inner voice..that voice that always knows precisely what to do.

When I am feeling low it is always because something within my inner world or my wordly reality is out of balance.  When I find my calm inner space, and listen to my wise inner voice, I always know what is needed to restore balance within me and within my life circumstances.